Friday, June 15, 2012

Gone

I've been putting off writing this post, because I wanted to have some time to collect my thoughts and emotions.

And then I wondered if I should have written in the heat of all my emotional turmoil, but I don't know if I'd ever want to go back and read that.

I know I discussed about a month ago that my dog Missy had fallen ill, and that she had spent some time in the hospital.  She came home with medication and the prospect that she'd recover.  I re-arranged my life to be able to feed her morning and night so that she could be medicated. I kept a close watch on her and if I left the house, she stayed inside in her crate so she was resting.

Unfortunately last weekend she fell ill again, even while on medication, and we had to make the heart wrenching decision to put her down.

I can say with certainty that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. When you bring a dog home, you don't ever think about the hard decisions you'll have to make if something happens to them.  We brought her home when she was 10 months old. She barely made it to see her 6th birthday before passing.  It's not like she was old.

The poor vet had to speak through my weeping, although I appreciate how considerate she was.

I feel guilty that I couldn't/wouldn't go see her one last time before they put her down.  But given my emotional state that morning, I think it may have been best.  She knew we loved her. 

Part of me is angry we spent so much money only to prolong her life by 3 weeks, but then when I think about it, if I were given the same choices again I'd probably do it again.  I would have felt guiltier if we hadn't even tried.

As the week has gone on, I've felt better and better.  I'm not a pray-er, but I spent a lot of this past weekend praying for peace, for both her and I.  I woke up the next morning after the first night of desperately praying feeling immensely better.

This morning I checked my mailbox and saw we had received two condolence cards from both vet. places we worked with during the midst of all of this.  The doctor who ended up putting Missy down, wrote me a very nice note letting me know she was very sorry and she assured me we had done everything we could have for her.

I sat in my car and cried while reading it.  I think maybe I needed to hear it from an outside source, because even though in my heart I know we tried everything we could, part of me wishes we could have done more.

A few people have mentioned us getting another dog, but my heart just isn't in it right now. We have our other dog, Wyatt, and I think he's just going to be an only dog for a while.

We both need time to heal.




Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Personal Training

I signed up for a personal trainer back in March.  I have two sessions a month until next March.

My trainer is a younger guy who is super nice and funny, which always helps.

The thing is, the more sessions I have, the more apprehensive I am about going.  And I think it's because I'm still trying to push through and gain muscle, and what my body to do isn't going to happen.  And it didn't help that my trainer told me that we weren't going as fast as he normally likes to train.  I don't think he meant it to be condescending, because really he's very nice.

The first few sessions, I literally couldn't either walk or use my arms for days afterward, they hurt so bad.  I'm not kidding, if I wanted to sit down I had to hold on to something to help me.  I'd barely be able to walk after I left a session.

Not only that, but, quite frankly, my attitude about it sucked.  I whined throughout my session, even though I am paying to be there!

My last session (before today's) was two weeks ago.  My trainer was quieter than normal and seemed grouchy.  I didn't do as well as I wanted to and between the combo of the two, I left feeling disheartened.

I made a decision to not complain as much and to work as hard as I can. Because even if I'm not where I want to be, I'm better than I was.

I went into today's session reminding myself of this, because I didn't want to forget.

My trainer said, "Well, we're going to work on legs today!" and I said, "Yay!" and I promise it was only slightly sarcastic (legs are hard to work on).

I did:

- squats
-wall sits
- lunges
- four reps of abs on the machine
- leg extensions

I didn't whine and stayed pretty quiet, minus some good conversation we had about muscles and what's he's majoring in college.  Oh and we discussed caffeine and how I no longer have any (he was pretty shocked).

And I made a comment about not whining and he said, "Yeah, I noticed that." and I was like, "Hey, it's like therapy, I'm working through it." and he laughed.

And then suddenly, my session was over and I felt like I actually kicked ass at it.  Was I amazing? No, that shit hurts and I'm not going to lie about it.  But, I was proud of myself for not continually asking, "Are you seriously going to make me do that?"  I actually felt like I made progress today and I'm not a giant noodle.

I left excited to come back to my next session, which will be in two weeks.








Monday, June 4, 2012

Gym Class Etiquette

Since I've been working out, I've taken a few gym classes.  My favorite by far being yoga class.

Last Friday, I arrived to class a bit early (to get a good spot) and laid out my mat.  I was near the back corner alone.

Suddenly, two women come in and put their mats DIRECTLY behind me.  If you know anything about yoga, you know that you need to keep ample space between mats, otherwise you'll hit each other while doing poses.  That and it's awkward having someone that close.

I get up and move my mat forward more just as class starts.

The instructor asks if it's anyone's first time to yoga, and the two women behind me raise their hands.  Which, then I cut them a little slack because it's not like they know how far their mats should be from someone else.

But then, class starts and I'm concentrating on doing the poses and listening to the instructor.  And what do I hear?  The two women behind me whispering and making comments about class.

And THEN, one of the women flips open her phone to take a phone call, IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS!

I mean, come on, do you really need to answer your phone during a gym class?

As if one phone call taker wasn't bad enough, another women a few spaces down from me repeatedly kept getting up and leaving class to go answer her phone.

As much as I was trying not to pay attention and to focus on what I was doing, it was really hard with all the whispering and phone call taking in the middle of class.

So please, I'm begging you, if you go to a gym class, please don't talk while the instructor is teaching, and please don't answer your phone in the middle of class.


Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Grocery Shopping

In the near six months that I've been on the road to eating better, my grocery shopping habits have definitely changed.

This is what I used to shop like:


It's a funny picture, but it's so accurate for my old shopping style.  I'd show up at the grocery store (sometimes with a plan, sometimes not, and sometimes I'd go hungry), and I'd wander the aisles and just pick up random things.

My favorite things to buy back then were (in no particular order):

- Velveeta Shells n Cheese
- Skillet meals (particularly the three cheese one with broccoli and noodles)
- Soda
- Frozen pizza
- Lucky Charms
- Any other assortment of processed food

Literally, 90% of my cart would be frozen, pre-made meals.  Our freezer would be stocked for weeks, with all the microwave meals we purchased.

As time has gone on, I feel like I've gotten better at grocery shopping.  I stick to the perimeter of the store as much as possible (it's where all the good, fresh stuff is), and I rarely venture into the aisles unless I need something that isn't a packaged meal.

Now I've noticed that my cart is almost 50% fresh vegetables and fruits, which is a huge change from where I used to be.

My favorite things to buy in the grocery store now:

- asparagus
- chicken breast tenders
- tuna
- potatoes
- milk
- rolled oats
- apples




Don't get me wrong, I do crave those processed foods (like right now, I really would like some shells n' cheese), but I figure if I don't buy them and put them into my house, I can't eat them.

And avoiding those aisles altogether has really saved me.


Monday, May 28, 2012

Changes

I think I'm finally happy with my blog layout.

Seriously, I went through about three different designs before finally settling upon this one.  We'll see how long this one lasts.

My first week of summer break is officially over.  I am pretty proud of myself, because it was a productive week.

Here's me in my super happy, lime green kayak!

Things I Accomplished:

- packed up my classroom (after having been sick for two days, not fun!)
- went to the gym three times, and one of those times was a session with my trainer
- grocery shopped
- went to a hockey game
- went kayaking with D

This week's plans:

- Go to the gym a minimum of three times
- more grocery shopping to make healthy shakes I found recipes for
- Goodwill shop for shirts to cut up to make racerback tanks
- Run errands
- Have lunch with fabulous friends
- Read at least three books

I figure, the more I keep myself busy, the better.  A friend convinced me to purchase Diablo 3, so I have also been playing that when I have time.  I'm hoping that by keeping myself in the gym and doing things, I won't get bored, but let's be honest here, I'll end up getting bored around July.  It happens every year.

I found some major inspiration with my healthy eating via this blog.  She has some amazing smoothie recipes that I plan on trying, because I'm slightly obsessed with my blender lately. And, she's the one who inspired me to make my own racerback tanks!



If you click the photo, it will take you to the post that shows you how to DIY your own racerbacks!  If I don't entirely botch it up, I'll show you the tanks I end up making.



Monday, May 21, 2012

Weekend of Nightmares

It's been a whirlwind of a weekend, emotionally and physically.

My dog Missy has been acting strange lately.  Friday when I came home from work marked two solid days that she hadn't eaten food, which is weird for my chunk of a dog (she loves to eat).  Not only that, but she was acting really lethargic and strange.

I called my vet and even though they were double booked, they got me in that afternoon.  Here I am thinking it's just a virus or infection, but it turns out it was much worse than that. My vet did some blood work and came back with bad news; they wouldn't be able to take care of her like she needed and they were referring us somewhere else.

They sent me to a 24 hour care place where we had to check Missy in for a minimum of 2 days (she ended up staying three).  And yes, we paid out the butt for this stuff.

Turns out her body decided to start marking and killing off her red blood cells, which we discovered is a disease known at IMHA.  I spent a lot of time looking this stuff up because I've never heard of it before.  Her blood count was so low she was on the verge of needing a blood transfusion.  And wouldn't you know? There's no real reason for it to happen, it just does.  Isn't that fabulous? (note the sarcasm)

I'll be honest, I haven't cried that hard in a really long time.  In fact, I barely remember driving her the 30 minutes across town to the second vet.  My poor husband left work early because I was such a mess on the phone with him.  But can you blame me? My baby was sick and the doctors were grim.

So I went in with my dog Friday night and came home empty handed, worried and exhausted.  Then Saturday morning I woke up sick.  I spent the entire day sleeping and even though I know I was dehydrated from puking and all other sorts of fun, I still found the fluid to cry off and on the rest of the day.

To say this weekend was a nightmare was an understatement.

Yesterday we got the good news that the doctors believe her case of IMHA is mild and that we could bring her home today (Monday), and, thankfully I was finally feeling better this morning.

We are now home with our baby and she has a variety of meds to take.  We'll also be at the vet's office a lot more than normal, but we're ok with that.

I'm just utterly grateful to hear her snore beside me as I'm typing this.